Movie Star GBoys
by Ace of Hearts
Summary: Just a preview of all the movies coming out in summer, starring, of course, those oh-so-talented Wild Wing Boys


Hi, if any of you visit Aishiteru, then you might have read this fic before, 'cause I posted it there under the name Kawaii Kitty before I decided to ditch that name. So, enjoy the fic. 

**~ Movie Star G-Boys ~**

The audience files into the darkened movie theater, all lugging humongous buckets of popcorn and equally large drinks (Jeez, just how much can people eat, anyway?). Back to the point, these football-watching, beer-guzzling people, with nothing better to do with their Sundays than to lounge around a movie theater all day and sit through double or even triple showings of the same shoot-em-up flick, had once again begun their oh-so-interesting weekend schedule by buying tickets to the new Arnold Schwarznegger (or however you spell his name) film, where ol' Arnie gets a a suitcase full of guns and, surprise surprise, starts shooting people. But, before the flick can begin, these people all have to go through the same thing that every moviegoer (including ourselves, naturally) have to go through: *drumroll* PREVIEWS!!! 

Five previews, to be exact. As the darkened screen suddenly lighted up with a rainbow of colors, a chorus made up of five _horrific_ male voices begin singing how they're sorry that they're not gentle. The screen fills up with a shot of five boys doing the God-awful singing. They are dressed in brightly-colored, neon Spandex bodysuits with sailor collars, large bows, and _short_ miniskirts. Each boy is wearing a different type of footwear, but the shoes all have one thing in common: they have _extremely_ high heels. Looking totally uncomfortable and continuing to sing off-key, the boys gaze out at the audience with adorably confused (or adorably angry) expressions on their faces.   
VO: These are the gorgeous fighters of evil, who wear miniskirts and high heels to battle. With their amazing magical powers and positive attitudes toward life in general, these bishounen soldiers of justice make a truly impressive team.   
*Audience takes the time to ogle the tight-Spandex-clad boys*   
VO: Just your average, super-normal schoolboys by day...   
*Heero is shown glaring and pointing a gun at a military officer twice (or maybe even three times) his size.*   
Heero: Omae o korosu.   
VO: Um...   
*A couple of kindergartners run wailing out of their classrooms, screaming something about a braided maniac. Duo is shown running out of the room, wielding a plastic toy scythe and chasing after the poor rugrats while hollering gleefully, "Shinigami has come back from Hell!"*   
VO: Ah...   
*Trowa appears onscreen, wearing a ridiculous lime-green clown outfit and strapped to a throwing board while his own sister, Catherine Bloom, starts throwing knives at him.*   
VO: *Sweatdrop*   
*The scene shifts to that of an office building. Quatre is seated behind a large oak desk, trying to answer a dozen ringing telephones, a harried look on his face. Piled high on the desk are mounds of documents, while the person on the other line is saying how pleased he is to be talking to the master of the most powerful family in the space colonies.*   
VO: Oh well...   
*Wufei, wearing his traditional Chinese robes, is shown glaring some poor kid to the ground. He opens his mouth and bellows, "INJUSTICE!"*   
VO: Uh...moving on! Not-so-normal schoolboys by day, even weirder teens by night as they don their sailor fukus and pretty little bows and start fighting monsters from another dimension.   
*Movie screen shifts to show the scene of the five sailor suited G-boys facing off against a youma. Heero is glaring and pointing a gun at it, Duo is ignoring the demon and singing something about how everybody should be nice, Trowa is standing there like a statue and doing nothing, a blank expression on his face, Quatre is blushing and hiding behind a tree, afraid that somebody might recognize him in that sailor fuku, and Wufei is preaching to the air about the injustice of a manly man like himself having to be forced to wear a weak onna's miniskirt and high heels.   
VO: And of course, our heroines...I mean, heroes, are joined by the mysterious *mutters under his breath, "As if!"* masked lady, Tuxedo Kamen, whose ultimate attacks are throwing _roses_ and giving boring speeches.   
*Relena, wearing a pink tuxedo with a flowing cape and a white eyemask, is shown framed against a window. She kisses the petals of a red rose before throwing it onto the ground (of course, with her bad aim, the rose wound up smacking Wufei in the face, which caused him to start babbling about double injustice). Tuxedo Kamen-Relena opens her mouth and starts preaching about the ideals of absolute pacifism, and how the Sailor Senshi and the youma should just lay down their weapons (which didn't really make sense, since neither party _had_ any solid weapons--not really), and hug each other and be friends.   
VO: Don't miss our heroes' exciting adventures, as they discover romance...   
*Heero is shown aiming his gun at Relena while muttering, "Omae o korosu."*   
VO: ...friendship...   
*A Wing Zero-crazed Quatre starts blasting everything around him--including the other G-boys*   
VO: ...and, of course, the ultimate lesson of all: Never, ever bring a sugar-high Duo to the battlefield.   
*Duo, in his skimpy Spandex sailor suit (oof, try saying that in a rush of words!), prances about, singing at the top of his lungs and grabbing the arms of anyone unfortunate enough to be nearby as he leads the victims into a dance.*   
VO: Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly give you _Bishounen Senshi Sailor Wing: The Movie._ Don't miss this sweet, humorous, and action-packed movie. Rated PG; refunds not accepted in any theaters. 

The screen shifts to show a new scene, as the first preview ended and a second one began. This new one depicted a country farmhouse-style scene, with a nice lil' wooden house surrounded by forest.   
VO: Duo Maxwell is the cute, normal, and adorably dense country boy, with the looks of a movie star and the brain of a pea.   
*Highly insulted Duo*: Hey! Shinigami is _not_ stupid!   
VO: That's the role you're playing.   
Duo: Oh.   
VO: *Clears throat* Ahem. Anyways, cute, average, and kind of clueless--that's our Duo, the totally normal high school boy. That is, until six alien babes literally crash-land in his backyard, and his life changes forever.   
Duo: *Mutters under his breath* I thought aliens were supposed to be little green men with antennae and weird hair.   
VO: *Ignoring Duo's remark* First, there's Hilde, the cute, fiery space pirate with superpowers and a definitely mischievous streak in her.   
*Hilde Schbeicker is shown wearing her streetclothes, roaring with laughter as she glomps Duo, latching herself to his legs.*   
VO: Then, there's Princess Relena, the first princess of the Sanc Royal Family.   
*Relena appears, wearing her militarized Pilgrim-ish Sanc Kingdom outfit, sitting properly on a chair and sipping tea while babbling about absolute pacifism to herself.*   
VO: Marimeia, Relena's, _totally_ innocent and adorable younger sister and the second princess of Sanc's Royal Family.   
*Marimeia, wearing her beige-and-cream-colored Marimeia Army uniform, twirls the large feather in her cap as she gives a speech to a crowd of red-and-black clad Marimeia soldiers, who listen attentively to her plans to take over the Earth Sphere Unified Nation.*   
VO: Dorothy, the number-one mad scientist of the universe, who spends most of her time locked away in her laboratory...At least the mad part makes sense.   
*The sword-wielding Dorothy is revealed slashing at everything in sight with her trusty fencing foil, letting out her frustrations on her latest failed experiment.*   
VO: Catherine, the cheerful, ditzy, and utterly clueless Galaxy Police officer, who, if it wasn't for nepotism, could add unemployment to her impressive list of _un-_achievements.   
Catherine: *Glares* What did you say? *Brandishes her set of just-sharpened knives for added emphasis.*   
VO: *Sweatdrop* Ah...Nothing. Never mind, let's just skip that one. *Clears throat* Ahem. Moving on, we have Lucrezia Noin as the frazzled, overworked partner of the bumbling Catherine, who is _always_ getting on her idiotic partner's case.   
*Noin is shown patiently teaching Catherine how to hold, aim, and fire a pistol.*   
VO: So, what do you get when you have six psychotic space babes living under one roof and only one guy to go around?   
*Hilde glomps Duo, Relena preaches her about how she is too straightforward, bold, and unladylike when around men, Marimeia drafts her latest plans to take over the Earth Sphere Unified Nation while hiding the papers behind a cookbook for African jungle pygmy dishes, Dorothy tries to practice her fencing and winds up trashing her already messy lab, and Noin is teaching Catherine how to maneuver an OZ--that is, Galaxy Police--space shuttle.*   
VO: *Mutters to himself* Like any idiot with half a mind would pay to see _that_ AC Paramount reject. Anyways, don't miss this humorous slapstick comedy, _Duo Muyo!_ Coming to theaters on July 13th, rated PG. 

The image of Duo, wearing an adorably clueless expression on his face as he gawks at all the women crowding around him, is replaced by the opening scene of the next preview. Trowa, wearing a pair of _tight_ blue jeans and a black T-shirt with a denim vest that has a white collar, is shown standing on top of a grassy cliff, staring off into the horizon with his usual deadpan expression on his face. Sitting on top of his head is a red-and-white baseball cap (that didn't quite fit over his hair), and standing at his foot is a sickeningly cute yellow rat-like thing wearing a clown half mask. In the background, a rather familiar song begins to play.   
_I wanna be, the very best._   
*Trowa stares blankly at the camera*   
_Like no one ever was._   
Trowa: ........   
Song fades into silence.   
VO: The cutely cheerful, somewhat dense ten-year-old--I mean, fifteen-year-old--boy from the teensy, winsy town of L3, determined to train every single one of the adorable--but powerful--creatures that the human beings call Pokéclown. Gotta catch 'em all, huh Tro?   
Trowa: ........   
VO: *Sweatdrop* Eh...Never mind. Anyhoo, along the way, he'll meet Dorothy, the fiery redhead--I mean, the fiery blonde--who's always ragging on him...   
Dorothy: I challenge you to a fencing match to see who's the better Pokéclown trainer!   
VO: Shouldn't it be a Pokéclown battle to see who's the better trainer?   
Dorothy: *Sweatdrop* Eh heh.   
VO: ...As well as Duo, the more mature, wiser boy...   
Duo: *Jumping around and flinging a plastic scythe at some schoolchildren* Here comes the invincible--and handsome, naturally--Shinigami! *Strikes a pose*   
VO: ...Who also happens to be extremely girl-crazy.   
*Duo is shown chasing after one of Quatre's numerous sisters, yelling something about how Shinigami was also a very social person--eh, god*   
VO: Um, moving on, there's also Pikaclown, the nauseatingly adorable Pokéclown   
Pikaclown (aka Pikachu with a circus clown mask): *Makes sickeningly cute face at the camera* Pikaclown!   
VO: Also introducing Nurse Une and Officer Noin, the Poképeople who've dedicated their lives to saving and protecting Pokéclown.   
*Lady Une and Lucrezia Noin are shown standing around, the former wearing a white nurse's uniform and the latter decked out in a bright blue policewoman's outfit. Lady Une is holding a thermometer and smiling a sickeningly sweet smile at the camera, while Noin poses in a snap salute, also with a ridiculously cheerful grin*   
VO: And of course, what kind of movie doesn't have a rival to challenge and insult our favorite hero? Introducing Quatre Raberba Winner, the super-rich and super-spoiled only son of the wealthiest man in the world--who also happens to be Trowa's mentor.   
*Quatre smiles sweetly and Trowa, before offering his hand. The two shake, while Quatre says, "May the best Pokéclown trainer win this match, friend-Trowa."   
VO: *Sweatdrop* Eh...okay, so that wasn't exactly very mean. Either way, catch our heroes...   
Dorothy: Ahem. *Pointedly motions to the fencing sword in her hand*   
VO: *Nervously* And our heroines, of course, in their exciting--and often humorous--adventures as they travel through the magnificent world of Pokéclown. Don't miss _Pokéclown: The Movie III,_ as Trowa, Dorothy, and Duo discover a new type of Pokéclown! *Cheesy applause from the backstage crew*   
VO: Rated G; again, refunds not acceptable. 

The next preview, thankfully, has someone besides the G-boys doing the singing.   
VO: Monstrous angels from God, gigantic, equally ugly mecha-thingies to counter the angels, and a crew of pilots wearing cool entry plug suits--welcome to the world of Neon Genesis Sandrock.   
*An anime-nized sketch of Takayama Minami, Two-Mix's lead (and only) vocalist, appears in the background as the real Minami starts singing a punk rock version of _Zankoku na Tenshi no Te-ze.*_   
_Zankoku na tenshi no te-ze_   
_Shounen yo shinwa ni nare_   
VO: The magnificent series NGS, featuring Quatre Raberba Winner as the cute, soft-spoken, and extremely shy Third Child and pilot of the Sandrock 01, also known as the SAND-Unit 01.   
*Quatre is pushed forward, wearing Shinji's blue entry plug suit and an uncertain expression on his face. He waves shyly at the camera, a blush beginning to appear on his cheeks*   
_Aoi kaze ga ima_   
_Mune no doa wo tataitemo_   
VO: Relena Peacecraft as the timid, _silent,_ and emotionless First Child and pilot of the Sandrock 00, also known as the SAND-Unit 00.   
*Relena appears, wearing Rei's entry plug suit and a disapproving frown on her face*   
Relena: We should not be fighting; battles only create more battles, and that leads to senseless bloodshed and the loss of people's lives. I am Relena Peacecraft, and I command you people to lay down your weapons and embrace the ideal of absolute pacifism. God would never forgive us if we battle against His holy angels...   
*An Angel attacks, and blasts the building right next to Relena*   
Relena: *Screams and jumps aside, then cups her hands around her mouth* HEEEEEEERO! Come back and kill this AAAAANNNNNGEEEEEL for MMMMMEEEEE!   
_Watashi dake wo tada mitsumete_   
_Hohoenderu anata_   
VO: Um, right. Catherine Bloom as the bold, outgoing, and arrogant Second Child and pilot of the Sandrock 02, also known as the SAND-Unit 02.   
*Catherine appears in Asuka's red entry plug suit, carrying her trusty set of knives*   
Catherine: Can't we change the color of my plug suit? Red just totally clashes with my hair, and how am I supposed to battle looking like some skinny tomato anyway?   
_Sotto fureru mono_   
_Motomeru koto ni muchuu de_   
VO: Never mind her. Ahem. Lucrezia Noin as the serious, responsible OZ officer who becomes a total beer-slurping slob when she's off duty.   
*Noin, wearing a red-and-black outfit similar to Misato's hears what he says and glares fearfully at the camera.   
Noin: *Dangerously* What did you say?   
VO: *Sounding nervous* That's the role you're playing.   
Noin: Oh.   
_Unmei sae mada shiranai_   
_Itaikena hitomi_   
VO: Dr. Lady Une as the calm, cool, and collected scientist and chief engineer of NERV   
*Lady Une appears, wearing a white lab coat over her outfit*   
Une: Um...what am I supposed to do, anyway?   
VO: Oh, for Christ's sake, don't you know anything? Your job is to...um, your job is to...Eh, never mind.   
_Dakedo itsuka kizuku deshou_   
_Sono senaka ni wa_   
VO: And finally, last but definitely not least, introducing Duke Dermail as the cold, sadistic, crazy, and completely despicable father--I mean, _grand_father--of our lovable lil' Quatre.   
*Duke Dermail appears in front of the camera*   
Dermail: *Looking confused* What am I doing alive?   
_Haruka mirai mezasu tameno_   
_Hanega ga arukoto_   
VO: These are the people living in the world of Neon Genesis Sandrock.   
*Group shot of the three SAND pilots posing in front of the three NERV officers*   
_Zankoku na tenshi no te-ze_   
_Madobe kara yagate tobitatsu_   
_Hotobashiru atsui patosu de_   
_Omoide wo uragiru nara_   
VO: Watch as they battle God's Angels, as well as their own inner demons, in this richly spun, gripping drama that asks the ultimate question on everybody's mind: Was the creator mad, or just simply drunk when he wrote this ultra-confusing story?   
*NGS cast smiles uneasily at the camera*   
_Kono sora wo daite kagayaku_   
_Shounen yo shinwa ni nare_   
VO: To find out the answer to this nerve-cracking question, watch the intense and dramatic movie, _Neon Genesis Sandrock._ Rated R for inappropriate language, excessive violence and gore in battle scenes, and some nudity. 

Samurai-ish music starts playing, as the final preview appears. Someone starts beating drums and crashing cymbals, as five guys decked in clunky, brightly colored armors appear triumphantly onstage. They strike overdramatic poses, each guy lugging some sort of weapon that's nearly as big as he is.   
VO: The dreamy superheroes with the looks of movie stars and the fighting abilities of Jackie Chan, these are the modern samurai fighters known as the Shenlong Warriors!   
*Dramatic music starts playing as the camera pans in for individual shots of each guy*   
Duo: *Grins cheerfully at the camera while waving his staff around like a scythe* Shinigami--I mean, Duo of Hardrock!   
Quatre: *Glances uncertainly at the camera while attempting to pick up a heavy trident that's taller than he is* Um...Quatre of the Torrent.   
Trowa: *Jumps into the air, flips upside down and does his little three-hundred-and-sixty-degree spin act, before landing on both feet and picking up a gigantic sword that's nearly as big as he is* Trowa of the Halo.   
Heero: *Notches on arrow on his huge, clunky gold bow while glaring at the camera* Heero of Strata.   
Wufei: *Takes out his twin swords and wields them triumphantly as if they were two fencing foils* Wufei of the Wildfire!   
VO: Yup, you heard these guys. While on the outside, they appear to be just your average teenagers, in truth, they're actually the superfine superheroes who fight evil demons from another dimension in order to defend the Earth against all that threatens this peaceful planet. These are the fighters extraordinaires, the heroes of the Earth, they are the...*drumroll* Shenlong Warriors! They don't fight for money, they don't fight for girls, they fight for one single ideal:   
Wufei: JUSTICE!!!!   
VO: Um, right. Of course, there's also that annoying female sidekick that always has to be there, the drippy gal who's there only to play the damsel in distress, the stupid idiot who thinks that she knows everything but just ends up screaming whenever the baddies show up and serves only to get the heroes themselves in hot water. And of course, playing our Miss Annoying is...*drumroll* Relena Peacecraft!   
*Relena appears in an _ugly_ pink sweater and equally horrendous shorts with dark blue tights*   
Relena: I, Relena Peacecraft, find fighting of any kind distasteful. But, if it is absolutely necessary to save this world, I will fight alongside HEEEEEROOO and guide the Shenlong Warriors on the road to victory!   
VO: Whatever. Anyhoo, catch the Shenlong Warriors as they face off against the Evil Dynasty, and defeat everything that it has to throw at them.   
*Scene depicting the G-boys using their attacks and totally trashing everything around them. Camera pans in to shoot all the destruction*   
VO: Um, of course, the Earth will have to fork over some quick cash to cover the damages from these battles.   
G-boys: *Sweatdrop*   
VO: Don't miss the action-packed series...*drumroll* Shenlong Warriors! Rated PG-13 for excessive violence and coarse language. And now, ladies and gentlemen, on to our feature presentation! 

*** * ***

Arnold Schwarznegger, dressed in all-black leather attire, appears onscreen lugging with him a suitcase full of guns. Facing off against him is Rally Vincent of _Gunsmith Cats,_ carrying her trusty old CZ75 as well as a number of hidden guns squirreled away under her jacket. The two gun-maniacs start going at it, initiating a full-scale shoot-out. Relena appears onscreen and shoves both of them out of the camera's view.   
"No, we shouldn't be acting out these violent scenes! I, Relena Peacecraft, am proposing unilateral demilitarization and the removal of all weapons--including any kind of gun. Absolute pacifism is an ideal we cannot achieve by merely making speeches. We talk of peace, and yet here are these people shooting each other for no apparent reason. That greatly contradicts the absolute pacifism held by the Peacecrafts, and I, Relena Peacecraft, forbid it. I propose that the government remove all weapons of any sort--including butcher knives, because they can be used to stab a person--and move on to the path of total pacifism. After all, I am Relena Peacecraft, and I can teach you all the true meaning of pacifism..." 


End file.
